BlackandWhiteandGray
by booknerd11
Summary: Percy is tired of walking his tightrope, and the rules are a nice little platform to sit upon, if only for a while. The world is blackandwhiteandgray and his family just can't see that.


Disclaimer: *waves wand* - Nope. Still not mine.

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**BlackandWhiteandGray**

Percy can't help but wonder why his whole family – why the whole world, it seems – sees everything in black and white. He knows, deep down, that thinking that the whole world can be categorized into "good" and "bad" is so simplistic, so unrealistic, so childish, that he can't believe that his family, his friends, his teachers, _everyone_, sees the world like that. He knows, deep down, that he is a nearly-perfect balance of white and black – a nearly-perfect gray.

Percy can't help but wonder why his siblings cannot accept who he is. He knows, deep down, that they love him, but that they do not understand his love of rules. And he is (almost) okay with that. He knows that none of them could understand the reasons he clings to the structure, to the order, which his precious rules, his precious Ministry, brings to him. He is terrified of being lost in the gray of the world, and holds fast to the rules that were created to separate the parts of the gray, so he does not fall too far from the middle, where he belongs.

Percy doesn't find it that hard to leave his family behind. He knows, deep down, that they care about him, but they don't fully accept him. He has never been part of a pair – he was the odd one out. And really, of course they wouldn't understand – it's always been Mum-and-Dad, Bill-and-Charlie, Fred-and-George, Ron-and-Ginny. And then Percy, left all alone, left to fall in the gray – perhaps they could not see that there was more than two sides to any situation because they had all come in twos? – and left to flounder on his own, left to try to get someone, anyone to care about him, to be the missing half of his one-man pair.

Percy can't help but wonder why his family finds it so easy to label him a traitor. He knows, deep down, that he hurt them. He knows that they do not – will not – understand his need for structure, his need for stability, something which life at the Burrow, life at Hogwarts has not given him. He clings to the Ministry's rules and laws. They provide order, and he hopes that with that order to cling to, he will not lose himself to the gray as he fears he will. He is tired of walking his tightrope, and the rules are a nice little platform to sit upon, if only for a while.

The order of the Ministry breaks down quickly, as Percy knew it would. Ah well, it had been nice while it lasted. His new goal is to restore that order as quickly as possible. There is less gray than ever and Percy works to maintain balance. It is harder and harder when people begin labeling things as "dark" and "light" and everything seems to be shifting toward the "dark" side of the spectrum. Percy stumbles often, but never falls.

Percy can't help but wonder at his family's obliviousness – don't they realize that half the reason he maintains a distance from them to have free access to confidential documents, to have the ability to move freely through the Ministry, to be able to help the Muggleborns without being detected? He knows that they are too caught up in their ability to see things in black-and-white, good-and-bad, that they cannot see his pain in the separation. It kills him to have mailed back the sweater his mother sent him, to have missed his brother's wedding, to have been there for them only at the Battle of Hogwarts, to have, at least, Fred forgive him before –

Percy can only see gray once the graves have been dug and the funerals have ended. The sun does not shine so brightly, and the night does not seem as dark – everything seems to exist in a state of grayness as the Death Eaters are put on trial. He wonders if the rules he loves so well can deal with the gray that exists – cases such as that of Draco Malfoy, ones where the perpetrators are victims who had been forced to do terrible things to others to avoid terrible things happening to those they love. He wonders how the Wizarding World can – _still_ – see everything in Black-and-White. His family, even, calls him "good" because of what he did in secret, while the Ministry was corrupt and controlled by Voldemort. He knows that he is neither "good" nor "bad," that he is some shade of gray – he was selfish and insecure and stubborn, not some martyr with a heart of gold

_(Somehow, he thinks that casting anyone into stereotypical roles of "good" and "bad" will somehow lessen the value of what they have done – after all, everyone expects a martyr to do what is "right." No one is surprised; no one sees the hardship that came with doing what is "right." The sacrifice that came with the act is diminished. And there is _always_ sacrifice. Just ask Harry. (You know, the hero with the echo of death that not even his best friends acknowledge?))_

Percy thinks that Harry and Ron and Hermione see the gray, now. Ginny, too. And all of those kids – no, not kids, adults – who were in the hellish Hogwarts that year (he read the report, and was horrified to think that _his little sister_ survived all of that on top of the memories of her first year, which doesn't bear thinking about). They have a look in their eyes that proclaims their rude awakening from the childish world of Black-and-White.

Percy thinks he loves American, muggleborn Audrey. He knows that she is not as naïve, not as simple as Wizarding England, Wizarding Europe (perhaps they are still stuck in the mode of fairytales, where everyone is either good or evil and that is that.) She sees the world in shades of gray, too. Perhaps it is because she is American, perhaps it is because she is muggleborn _(and seems to have a good grasp on logic that most wizards and witches cannot quite manage),_ but he finds her fascinating and wonderful. He meets her when she comes with her sister into – into the joke shop. He's helping Ron help out George, and is working the cashier when he helps her find the perfect gift for her niece and nephew. He manages to clumsily ask her out on a date. She accepts.

Percy thinks that his tightrope of gray is easier to walk when there are friends and family and Audrey to help him along.


End file.
